The most popular parenting trend of the past decade often promises emotionally healthy children, but psychological research paints a more complicated picture.
You covered every single important point--and every reason for parents --TO PARENT! They should be ..the adults in the room. Children grow into strong, confident, capable and successful adults when they learn to confriont adversity, to work hard for goals and espaecilly to know that not everythig will come easily.
Boubdreis (as borders) are necessary.
All my children and 10 grandchildren were brought up thatway--and allare successful.
I always remember an episode of "Bewitched" where the lesson was: It takes MORE LOVE to say no than to say yes. That's the basic truth.
Excellent! I was married at 18 and a mom at 19. I was fortunate to have had been raised with a strong Christian foundation and disciplinarian from whom I learned. We were blessed with 3 children. We were loving and playful, also structured where expectations and boundaries made clear. Bed times were never a problem, they had their own bed, not a “family” bed and they made their beds before school. We always followed through with our word. Our children never missed a curfew! We were never called to school because of behavior issues either. No, they were not saints but good kids and high achievers. All college graduates with their own families now. Our oldest, is 53 today.
Our society became extremely permissive, which has weakened our children's minds.
Adults regressed - or perhaps they themselves never matured- and relinquished their roles. The inmates run the asylum.
Minds also became overloaded with psychobabble by " experts". It dulled common sense and even a basic distinction of right and wrong.
It affected teachers' roles and authority too. If a student complained at home that s/he was told something unpleasant, or even their work criticised, a teacher could be fired.
It's hard to know the golden mean. So many people complain about their parents- usually their fathers- being too strict or harsh. So they seemed to have doubled down in releasing their own children from responsibility and accountability.
I don't know if it can be repaired. The narcissism and opinionated " suicidal empathy" of that generation makes change difficult, and from their viewpoint, unnatural, inhuman and fascistic.
This is one of the more disingenuous pieces of writing I've seen in a while. Basically, you just mischaracterized gentle parenting as permissive parenting and then criticize permissive parenting, with reference to citations that don't relate to gentle parenting. Gentle parenting and authoritative parenting, properly understood, are much closer to each other than either is to their respective extremes, permissive and authoritarian parenting. Some consider gentle parenting to just be a modern, slightly adapted version of authoritative parenting, given that the basic principles are mostly the same. Both gentle parenting and authoritative parenting emphasize high emotional warmth, responsiveness, and a strong focus on building a positive, connected parent-child relationship. The main practical differences comes down to how firmly and consistently consequences and structure are applied versus how much the approach prioritizes emotional connection and non-punitive methods in the moment, but these differences are a matter of degree not of kind.
Granted, permissive parenting is probably mostly an excuse for negligent parenting. Authoritarian parenting isn't much better. But between those two extremes, yes, good parents are warm and empathetic, responsive, and connected to their children, while at the same time they are willing to construct and enforce boundaries, communicate consequences and provide structure. Falsely maligning attempts to do provide that kind of guidance to parents is not helping things.
The was some wisdom in the adage "Spare the rod and spoil the child." The problem with that is that abuse can also spoil the child. The boundary is often vague. The tendency to other extremes of permissiveness is a result.
I does seem that this is common sense. But not if you listen to the psycho-babble class that finds hundreds of labels, intellectual-sounding excuses, and smart-sounding reasons, to avoid the simple "no." Needless to say, avoiding the "no" can lead to all kinds of advanced imbalances, from adult entitlement, to adult hissy fits, to susceptibility to social contagions to derangements. Of course, faced with these results, the same psycho-babble class, preaches accommodation, eventually leading to self-destruction. Hmmm... can you say "suicidal empathy?"
Balance, dear friends... children need balanced concepts of parental attunement (on-siding with them) AND parental authority (adult direction based in discernment that KIDS DO NOT POSSESS) BOTH... in the appropriate ratio to fit the needs of the individual child (because children are the customized products of many things)!
It was frustrating for me to parent my son because his vengeful mom was constantly trying to cut me out of his life by accusing me of abuse. So, I had to walk a very fine line: like, let him climb on the play structure and develop balance, strength, competence, courage...or risk him getting a bruise and dealing with Child Protective Services for an accusation of abuse.
You covered every single important point--and every reason for parents --TO PARENT! They should be ..the adults in the room. Children grow into strong, confident, capable and successful adults when they learn to confriont adversity, to work hard for goals and espaecilly to know that not everythig will come easily.
Boubdreis (as borders) are necessary.
All my children and 10 grandchildren were brought up thatway--and allare successful.
I always remember an episode of "Bewitched" where the lesson was: It takes MORE LOVE to say no than to say yes. That's the basic truth.
Excellent! I was married at 18 and a mom at 19. I was fortunate to have had been raised with a strong Christian foundation and disciplinarian from whom I learned. We were blessed with 3 children. We were loving and playful, also structured where expectations and boundaries made clear. Bed times were never a problem, they had their own bed, not a “family” bed and they made their beds before school. We always followed through with our word. Our children never missed a curfew! We were never called to school because of behavior issues either. No, they were not saints but good kids and high achievers. All college graduates with their own families now. Our oldest, is 53 today.
Thank you for writing this, right on target!
Amen x 10.
I couldn't agree more on every point made here.
Our society became extremely permissive, which has weakened our children's minds.
Adults regressed - or perhaps they themselves never matured- and relinquished their roles. The inmates run the asylum.
Minds also became overloaded with psychobabble by " experts". It dulled common sense and even a basic distinction of right and wrong.
It affected teachers' roles and authority too. If a student complained at home that s/he was told something unpleasant, or even their work criticised, a teacher could be fired.
It's hard to know the golden mean. So many people complain about their parents- usually their fathers- being too strict or harsh. So they seemed to have doubled down in releasing their own children from responsibility and accountability.
I don't know if it can be repaired. The narcissism and opinionated " suicidal empathy" of that generation makes change difficult, and from their viewpoint, unnatural, inhuman and fascistic.
This is one of the more disingenuous pieces of writing I've seen in a while. Basically, you just mischaracterized gentle parenting as permissive parenting and then criticize permissive parenting, with reference to citations that don't relate to gentle parenting. Gentle parenting and authoritative parenting, properly understood, are much closer to each other than either is to their respective extremes, permissive and authoritarian parenting. Some consider gentle parenting to just be a modern, slightly adapted version of authoritative parenting, given that the basic principles are mostly the same. Both gentle parenting and authoritative parenting emphasize high emotional warmth, responsiveness, and a strong focus on building a positive, connected parent-child relationship. The main practical differences comes down to how firmly and consistently consequences and structure are applied versus how much the approach prioritizes emotional connection and non-punitive methods in the moment, but these differences are a matter of degree not of kind.
Granted, permissive parenting is probably mostly an excuse for negligent parenting. Authoritarian parenting isn't much better. But between those two extremes, yes, good parents are warm and empathetic, responsive, and connected to their children, while at the same time they are willing to construct and enforce boundaries, communicate consequences and provide structure. Falsely maligning attempts to do provide that kind of guidance to parents is not helping things.
Shouldn't the sentence at the end be "Restoring confidence in parental authority is NOT a return to harshness (...)"?
The was some wisdom in the adage "Spare the rod and spoil the child." The problem with that is that abuse can also spoil the child. The boundary is often vague. The tendency to other extremes of permissiveness is a result.
I does seem that this is common sense. But not if you listen to the psycho-babble class that finds hundreds of labels, intellectual-sounding excuses, and smart-sounding reasons, to avoid the simple "no." Needless to say, avoiding the "no" can lead to all kinds of advanced imbalances, from adult entitlement, to adult hissy fits, to susceptibility to social contagions to derangements. Of course, faced with these results, the same psycho-babble class, preaches accommodation, eventually leading to self-destruction. Hmmm... can you say "suicidal empathy?"
Balance, dear friends... children need balanced concepts of parental attunement (on-siding with them) AND parental authority (adult direction based in discernment that KIDS DO NOT POSSESS) BOTH... in the appropriate ratio to fit the needs of the individual child (because children are the customized products of many things)!
It was frustrating for me to parent my son because his vengeful mom was constantly trying to cut me out of his life by accusing me of abuse. So, I had to walk a very fine line: like, let him climb on the play structure and develop balance, strength, competence, courage...or risk him getting a bruise and dealing with Child Protective Services for an accusation of abuse.
AMEN!!!!