Young men are falsely told their worth lies in facial ratios and gym aesthetics–because a civilization that once taught human dignity now teaches boys to optimize themselves like products.
Excellent analysis Delphine--the best part of your article --for this grandmother or 8 grandsons---is that you offer a solution after identifying the problem: "But the solution is not found in jawline analysis or cosmetic optimisation; it lies in recovering the older wisdom our civilisation once understood." Also my favorite St Exupery quote: "That which is essential is invisibe to the eye".
It takes time to learn what is more than skin deep But learning that is what creates lasting relationships and a strong society.
I agree, Elizabeth, that it takes time to learn what is more than skin deep, and it takes dedicated parents and other trusted adults to teach the Truth. That is what is sorely lacking in our society today. That is how the trans culture was able to take root so easily. I wonder what the parents of that “looksmaxxing” kid think about their son and his influence on others? Tik tok culture is doing way more harm than good. I am so thankful that our kids were raised before that, and that our grandkids have parents who are intentionally training them up in the way they should go…and also without social media and devices so far.
Thanks Elizabeth --- sounds like our families are the same. The children have brought up the grandchildren with good values, ready and willing to work hard at any job..includijng doing well at school; civility and politeness and most of all--love of family. Hoping that there are many more like us rather than the permissive culture.
People need spirituality in both a belief in a higher power and in beliefs in themselves. They need a strong spiritual sense of self to improve their self-esteem.
Ugly duckling tale was about the promise of puberty, children were being re-assured that given time they too would make the transition. Remember how in the tale, ALL the swans were beautiful.
There are a number of aspects to the story. He is a swan who, as an egg, inexplicably got in with some duck eggs. Even before any reached puberty, they all teased him for being different. In the end he was more beautiful than the ducks.
Allegorically, is he more beautiful than the others because his abuse gave him character? That's my take.
Very good article. But lets not run away with ourselves here. Most boys and young men still don't give a monkeys about looksmaxxing. Can't afford to, or just not stupid or narcissistic enough to. But we should be worried about what's behind the trend.
It is this generation falling prey to social media. The same can be said for women. Looks First. Ie: you pick someone to date after seeing their photo. At least in the old days you met someone face to face and had a conversation. Sometimes you were pleasantly surprised that you liked someone Not considered media attractive. Maybe they were really funny!
If everyone is made in the image of God, and God is supposedly loving and benevolent, why does God punish people who go against his will? Are we going to ignore all of the many problems that came with religious dogma?
Otherwise, looksmaxxing is just another trend that seems to have arisen due to a lack of positive male role models, and an attack on traditional masculinity.
I imagine feminists (who resentfully blame everything on men) will enjoy knowing that boys are now suffering from the same superficial judgments that girls have long suffered from.
Actually, boys have always suffered from that and looksmaxxing is simply one more layer added.
And actually, the judgment of other girls and women by other girls and women is much harsher than the judgment by boys and men. Women dress more to impress other women than to impress men, who would be happy with long hair, short skirts, and tight sweaters, who don't care about the latest fashions or the color of the year, and who don't need women to be as thin as fashion models.
In the past, and for some cultures, marriages are arranged.
Most of us commenting live in communities where finding a life-partner is a matter for the individual, regardless of sex (being male or female)
Regardless of all sorts of self-righteous posturing or post-modernist delusions the mating game is fiercely competitive.
Appearance matters, it is hard wired into our brains and the only variable is the current fashion or cultural practice learned by observation from interaction with the peer group and from within the culture of the family of origin.
Regardless of your opinion, or mine, it is almost always and for everyone a time of torment, anguish, dread and tumultuous mixed good emotions.
There will always be sad old maids, contented single individuals, contented and turbulent couples and a cohort of incels. Nature is harsh. Fallen human nature enhances the suffering.
This malady--fixation on the appearance, on superficial metrics of beauty--has been widespread among women and girls for decades, and now it spilled over to men. I agree that it is rooted in the lost sense of purpose. We need to take a deep look into why our culture does not elevate intellectual achievement over superficial material things.
I very much agree with this article, and I couldn’t agree more that many young men are missing the experience of purpose. But that doesn’t only occur or develop through a belief in God, although I do believe a sense of spirituality would play a strong part in that sense of purpose.
As an agnostic, it is unsatisfying to see so many great thoughts on this topic often end with a religious conclusion, as if that’s the only way to arrive there. Purpose can emerge through responsibility, contribution, and real-world engagement at a variety of levels. Whether this occurs through religion or through a broader understanding and experience of purpose is what I think is important to include.
I have a deep respect for religion being part of someone’s path to purpose, and I think it’s worthwhile to at least understand it as a strong avenue toward spirituality. At the same time, it feels important to broaden that path so it can include religion without requiring it, and without necessarily tying purpose exclusively to a belief in God.
A spot on article thank you l have been watching just this with young men. The ones l know are very confused and often yoyoing between gym junkie to drug addiction and depression. It’s never enough all the muscles the designer clothes but no true relationships or connections. Boys and men need purpose not ‘looksmaxxing’ absolutely. Thank you a very relevant and interesting article.
Excellent analysis Delphine--the best part of your article --for this grandmother or 8 grandsons---is that you offer a solution after identifying the problem: "But the solution is not found in jawline analysis or cosmetic optimisation; it lies in recovering the older wisdom our civilisation once understood." Also my favorite St Exupery quote: "That which is essential is invisibe to the eye".
It takes time to learn what is more than skin deep But learning that is what creates lasting relationships and a strong society.
I agree, Elizabeth, that it takes time to learn what is more than skin deep, and it takes dedicated parents and other trusted adults to teach the Truth. That is what is sorely lacking in our society today. That is how the trans culture was able to take root so easily. I wonder what the parents of that “looksmaxxing” kid think about their son and his influence on others? Tik tok culture is doing way more harm than good. I am so thankful that our kids were raised before that, and that our grandkids have parents who are intentionally training them up in the way they should go…and also without social media and devices so far.
Thanks Elizabeth --- sounds like our families are the same. The children have brought up the grandchildren with good values, ready and willing to work hard at any job..includijng doing well at school; civility and politeness and most of all--love of family. Hoping that there are many more like us rather than the permissive culture.
Yes!
People need spirituality in both a belief in a higher power and in beliefs in themselves. They need a strong spiritual sense of self to improve their self-esteem.
Centuries ago people recognized that beauty is only skin deep.
There is the story of the ugly duckling.
Modern cultures have become incredibly shallow.
Ugly duckling tale was about the promise of puberty, children were being re-assured that given time they too would make the transition. Remember how in the tale, ALL the swans were beautiful.
I stand by what I said.
There are a number of aspects to the story. He is a swan who, as an egg, inexplicably got in with some duck eggs. Even before any reached puberty, they all teased him for being different. In the end he was more beautiful than the ducks.
Allegorically, is he more beautiful than the others because his abuse gave him character? That's my take.
Very good article. But lets not run away with ourselves here. Most boys and young men still don't give a monkeys about looksmaxxing. Can't afford to, or just not stupid or narcissistic enough to. But we should be worried about what's behind the trend.
It is this generation falling prey to social media. The same can be said for women. Looks First. Ie: you pick someone to date after seeing their photo. At least in the old days you met someone face to face and had a conversation. Sometimes you were pleasantly surprised that you liked someone Not considered media attractive. Maybe they were really funny!
If everyone is made in the image of God, and God is supposedly loving and benevolent, why does God punish people who go against his will? Are we going to ignore all of the many problems that came with religious dogma?
Otherwise, looksmaxxing is just another trend that seems to have arisen due to a lack of positive male role models, and an attack on traditional masculinity.
I imagine feminists (who resentfully blame everything on men) will enjoy knowing that boys are now suffering from the same superficial judgments that girls have long suffered from.
Actually, boys have always suffered from that and looksmaxxing is simply one more layer added.
And actually, the judgment of other girls and women by other girls and women is much harsher than the judgment by boys and men. Women dress more to impress other women than to impress men, who would be happy with long hair, short skirts, and tight sweaters, who don't care about the latest fashions or the color of the year, and who don't need women to be as thin as fashion models.
In the past, and for some cultures, marriages are arranged.
Most of us commenting live in communities where finding a life-partner is a matter for the individual, regardless of sex (being male or female)
Regardless of all sorts of self-righteous posturing or post-modernist delusions the mating game is fiercely competitive.
Appearance matters, it is hard wired into our brains and the only variable is the current fashion or cultural practice learned by observation from interaction with the peer group and from within the culture of the family of origin.
Regardless of your opinion, or mine, it is almost always and for everyone a time of torment, anguish, dread and tumultuous mixed good emotions.
There will always be sad old maids, contented single individuals, contented and turbulent couples and a cohort of incels. Nature is harsh. Fallen human nature enhances the suffering.
Except .00001% of men do this. No young male I know is into ‘looksmaxxing’.
Excellent
Don’t use chatbots to outline your articles. It shows.
This malady--fixation on the appearance, on superficial metrics of beauty--has been widespread among women and girls for decades, and now it spilled over to men. I agree that it is rooted in the lost sense of purpose. We need to take a deep look into why our culture does not elevate intellectual achievement over superficial material things.
I very much agree with this article, and I couldn’t agree more that many young men are missing the experience of purpose. But that doesn’t only occur or develop through a belief in God, although I do believe a sense of spirituality would play a strong part in that sense of purpose.
As an agnostic, it is unsatisfying to see so many great thoughts on this topic often end with a religious conclusion, as if that’s the only way to arrive there. Purpose can emerge through responsibility, contribution, and real-world engagement at a variety of levels. Whether this occurs through religion or through a broader understanding and experience of purpose is what I think is important to include.
I have a deep respect for religion being part of someone’s path to purpose, and I think it’s worthwhile to at least understand it as a strong avenue toward spirituality. At the same time, it feels important to broaden that path so it can include religion without requiring it, and without necessarily tying purpose exclusively to a belief in God.
This is so true, and needs to be repeated everywhere, loudly and clearly.
The piece gets something right: obsessing over “looksmaxxing” without discipline, purpose, or skill is a dead end.
Character and competence still matter more than aesthetics.
But it overcorrects by downplaying appearance entirely, which isn’t reality.
How you look—fitness, grooming, how you carry yourself—signals whether you have your life together.
Men also aren’t meant to be passive.
They compete, they build, they take responsibility.
And yes, they should be physically capable—able to protect, provide, and handle real-world demands.
That’s not toxic; that’s basic competence.
The problem isn’t looks vs. character—it’s imbalance.
The goal is integration: be capable, be disciplined, and don’t look like a mess doing it.
A spot on article thank you l have been watching just this with young men. The ones l know are very confused and often yoyoing between gym junkie to drug addiction and depression. It’s never enough all the muscles the designer clothes but no true relationships or connections. Boys and men need purpose not ‘looksmaxxing’ absolutely. Thank you a very relevant and interesting article.